Confession: Sometimes I get tired of being the right person for “that” job. Repeatedly in my life experience, I find that I have been asked to do jobs that other people will not do, because they don’t do them well, even though it is their job. In some ways it is a very nice complement. It means I am trustworthy, capable, and dependable. In other ways it simply feels yucky.
For instance, when I worked at the elementary school, I was always assigned to outside pickup for the kindergarten section. Parents would be so focused on getting their child that they would seemingly forget there was an entire line of traffic behind them, or that other kids were walking around. They would block the flow of movement instead of simply pulling forward just one more care length, or they would park on the cross walk. My job. Be the nicest bad guy possible to ensure the kids were safe and get the parents to conform to the rules. It was simply miserable, and if it rained. OH baby…
I tried talking to my supervisor about it one day, sharing that it was hard on me as a person. It was hard on my soul. I really don’t like being the rule enforcer. Yes, I know how. His response, “You’ve got tough skin. You can do this.” Almost as if he was saying, I need your particular brand of likeable bitch out there. I simply just didn’t want to be that person any more. It made my heart ache. Yes, I had the tools to get the job done. But I did not like the tools I was forced to use.
I think there are lots of things in life we must do that makes our heart ache. Tough difficult things that cause us to have anxiety. And maybe like me you search for a way out of the situation. You understand something has to change. Something has to give, because that part of your life just isn’t you and it makes you feel not good as a person. You want to have alignment and peace.
Here is what I know about shifting in a situation. The only person you can change is yourself. No matter how much you will want others around you to change, you cannot control them. You can only control you. You need a place you can go to be completely honest with yourself about how you feel and what is eating at you. You need a place where you can wrestle with how to create a new away of living for yourself, and how to deal with those places of anxiety in new ways. As the saying goes – crazy is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting different results. So where do you go to have those conversations, with support on how you can shift for your own well-being?
Hear O Israel, The lord our God. The Lord is One. Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. The second is this. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.
These words, I guess for some, might sound like a commandment of great expectations – demanding us to conform to a new rule. But what if we could hear it instead as the place to bring our anxiety and give ourselves over to renewal? What if these words are God’s way of pleading with you, “Bring me your brokenness! Bring me your heavy heart! Bring me your wounded soul! I will give you rest. Bring me all of who you are, and you will be changed!”
Is it possible that this could be true, that God could love us so much that he would beg us to bring our brokenness to him? Yes, it is possible, and not only possible, it is reality. For this is exactly who Jesus is. The savior that reaches out a hand for the wounded and dies so they may have life.
So, let us not live in fear and rejection that we are not good enough to approach God and get the support we need. Let us not fear what we think is impossible. Let us simply just be in the midst of that great love, allowing our selves the freedom of renewal.
Let us Pray..
Hear O Israel, The lord our God. The Lord is One. Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all you mind, with all your strength. The second is this. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.